Misaligned Doubts
by nicochii
Summary: It's been 10 years since the fall of Cocoon. For so long he'd clung to her existence, desperate to fill that void. When news is brought to him of her existence, however, he lets loose on the nearest person. Implied HopexLightning.


The clicking of the lock echoed eerily in the modern apartment, the light from the doorstep spilling in as it creaked open. Keys jangled noisily as they were tossed onto the table in the entryway, a strong shoulder heaving against the door as the militia man entered, his body worn and feeling heavy. Fumbling for the lights, he pulled off his gloves, leaving them on the back of the couch as he made his way into the home. Buttons snapped open as a skilled finger ran itself along the part in his uniform, slipping the stiff garment off before hanging it up in the closet. Stretching, he noticed a distinct scent, pulling the skin tight shirt off while making his way to the shower.

The man refused to meet his own eye in the mirror, instead heading directly for the faucet, stripping while he stepped past the glass door, dunking the garments into the hamper before pulling it shut behind him. He was met with an icy spray, shivering as the coldness ran over his achy body, the sweat and grime dissolving under the assault. Punching the wall, he hung his head low, eyes clenched as the flow cascaded down his hair, sticking to his face in places.

"Why,"

His teeth were clenched, a turmoil of emotions raging inside himself. His back rippled as he tried to force himself to relax, the sudden adrenaline caused by disbelief fueling his rage. A throaty growl ripped through the room as the tiled wall suffered yet another slew of pounds, knuckles bruising with the force. He paused after some time when he noticed the red swirling into the drain, blood running down the wall from where his fist was placed. Shaking himself back into composure, he turned the dial off, stepping out with water dripping everywhere and with no concerns of his nakedness as he tended to his wounds. Images of tender hands wrapping the bandages flashed through his mind, a gasp stopping in his throat as his eyes narrowed, refusing to think about it.

He shoved out of the ensuite, the steam following him in pulled tendrils as he tugged fresh sweatpants on angrily, stomping back into the living area with leaden feet. The memories were overwhelming him, breaking his usual composure; the commanding yet gentle voice, the powerful body, the scent of flowers no matter the conditions-

He stopped his pacing midstep, turning on his heel the moment he took notice of the irritating habit and reached for his phone. Pulling the device from its dock, he vehemently punched in the familiar number sequence, his body trembling. Tapping his foot impatiently, he scowled when the line redirected him to voicemail. Checking the clock on the wall, he slammed the phone down with excessive force.

"Damnit, Alyssa. The one time I could use your distraction,"

Running his hands through his hair, he felt something in the air change. Spinning about face, he threw a well aimed punch, grasping at a muscled arm with his other hand and effectively startling the intruder. Throwing another punch in the darkened room, he felt his bandaged hand connect with something sharp, his nerves screaming in pain as he gripped at their throat. His eyes widened when the assailant made eye contact. His grip only tightened.

"Noel,"

"Hope! Stop!"

The older man maintained his grasp, forcing the brunette down onto the couch at an awkward angle and using his foot to pin a flailing arm. Noel scratched desperately at the arm currently strangling him. His eyes flashed wildly, the blues glinting in the late moonlight as he sought out the humanity lurking in the man above him. Hope combatted the anger inside himself, relinquishing his grasp on the younger man while the brunette immediately recoiled on the sofa, rubbing his neck and gasping for air. The older of the two turned away, crossing his arms defiantly.

"Why are you here,"

It was meant as a question, but sounded more like a threat than anything. Noel straightened himself and returned to a standing position, albeit quite shaken. The older man stood in the shadows, the intent behind his voice unreadable. The time traveller lowered his hand, forcing a painful swallow before continuing.

"I came to talk to you. Lightning's-"

"Enough, Noel!"

The time traveller's mouth snapped shut, his heart racing from the power Hope's voice commanded. The older man had turned to face him, the moon glinting dangerously in his shadowed eyes. Adjusting to the dark room, Noel took note of the way he clenched his fists, the bandages wrapped around his knuckles.

"You continue to spew that nonsense time and time again. If that's all you're here for, I advise you leave."

"Hope, there's no reason for me to lie to you! She's really-"

He caught the blow intended for his face, ducking out of the way of the second one. Using the inertia thrown at him, Noel turned the force back onto the taller man, throwing him violently against the wall. China teetered noisily as the brunette gripped straining wrists against the drywall.

"Let go of me, Noel."

His voice was alarmingly baritone. Noel faltered slightly, further restraining the man while he fought against his hold. He lowered his voice to a near whisper, shaken.

"Not until you listen to me."

Hope's jaw tensed, his lips a thin line as he matched the brunette's gaze. He almost radiated fury.

"You might feed that crap to Serah, but I refuse to buy into it."

His voice rumbled, making Noel uneasy.

"At least Serah is willing to understand why her sister isn't here with her right now. What have you been doing? Denying her existence because she hasn't taken the time to come see you herself-"

"What do you know?"

Hope overthrew the smaller man, grabbing at his hair while he stumbled and tugging his head backwards, restraining one of his arms as he immobilized him. Noel let out a cry, grimacing.

"She wants to see you! She-"

"She's dead, Noel! Stop bringing up the past!"

Anger taking a hold over his rationality, Hope threw the brunette to the ground, watching as he spluttered before following, dropping his knees into Noel's thighs while he pinned the younger man down. The cries of pain fell on deaf ears.

"Her whole life she gave everything for her sister, and then she gave her life after the fall for _everyone_. Do you think it's okay to trick Serah into following you with false hopes? Do you really think we're going to stand by while you lead her to her death, just like her sister? I won't let you kill Serah, Noel!"

The time traveller was barely able to comprehend the barking above him, his limbs distorted underneath himself and the extra weight making his body scream in agony. Hope pressed further, enjoying the pain the other man was suffering; that he wasn't the only one in anguish.

"She's not dead, Hope!"

Noel clenched his teeth, eyes crossing as he tried to block out the pain. He wriggled under the man's hold, trying to free himself, if not at least ease the searing sensations ripping through his body. Stars filled the blackness, his head spinning as he recoiled from the punch. He opened his mouth to protest, an action proving to be in poor choice on his part as his tongue was caught between a guillotine of teeth, the metallic taste only adding to the disorienting sensations. Using the momentary gaps when Hope lifted in preparation of another attack, Noel painfully contorted his leg free, whipping it upwards into the platinum blonde's ribs. Not taking the time to recover, he sprung to his feet unsteadily while Hope staggered, bringing a hand across his mouth to lessen the taste. His muscles screamed in disapproval, slowing his response time as the taller man made his move.

"I don't want to fight you!"

Deflecting the punch, the brunette's leg bumped against the table behind him.

"Then get out of my house!"

Without warning, Hope shoved at the young adult, toppling his balance. He remained materialistically indifferent as his table gave out beneath the impact, a yelp escaping from Noel as the edges dug into his shoulders and back. Rolling over onto the floor, he fended off the feral man with crossed legs, an icy feeling gripping his gut while he debated a possible escape. Pushing upwards, he rolled backwards, holding his hands out in surrender and crouched low to the ground. Hope paused, halting his assault and meeting the young man's eyes menacingly. Noel reiterated his forfeit.

"Look. Okay; I won't bring Serah along with me anymore, but-"

Hope made to move towards him again, his chest shining lightly with the sweat of their brawl.

"Okay! Alright, I'll go."

The older man watched the time traveller carefully as he lifted himself, sidestepping towards the door and heart pounding, ready to evade should the need arise. His hand had barely found the handle before Hope spoke up, arms now relaxed at his sides.

"Wait,"

Noel's heart skipped, swallowing the lump in his throat as his body froze, whether from fear or shock he couldn't be certain of. He remained stiff, only following Hope with his eyes as the director dropped heavily into the couch, elbows on his knees as blank eyes stared through the destroyed table. When no words were exchanged, Noel dared to relax his stance, letting his hand fall from the knob before pacing nearer, keeping a fair distance between themselves. His ears twitched when that deep voice rumbled again.

"What.. What did she say to you?"

His eyes were down cast, yet Noel could still sense a desperation from the man as he hefted his head into open palms, dragging a hand over his face before holding his chin. Fear withering inside the brunette at the sight, he recalled what he came here to do.

Convince Hope.

"She told me many things. About Cocoon, the Fal'Cie, and how she was turned into a l'Cie. I learned about Fell Lindzei and Hallowed Pulse. She says the goddess Etro guides her."

Lowering his guard, the time traveller maneuvered around the arm chair, lowering himself into it cautiously, ever wary of the shaken man before him.

"Everything that's happened-and the things that are going to happen-this is all but a war between the gods who have found themselves pawns of the one Maker. Of Buniberzei."

Hope jerked his head up at the mention, his eyes cold and stony. Noel matched him, eager to enforce the severity of the situation.

"So you know about him."

"I could say the same."

Hope shifted, his mind racing as he processed the confirmation of several theories. Noel watched fervently, curious as to how much the man actually knew. He didn't let on easily.

"But what does this all have to do with," He cleared his throat. "What did she say?"

"She's fighting them, Hope."

His heart ached thinking about it. Little did he know, so did Hope's. The former l'Cie felt as if his chest was being lacerated, crushed and pulled apart. For so long he'd denied her death. He'd clung to memories they'd shared, invented new ones to reassure himself of the possibilities. Jealousy bubbled inside of him as he balled his hands, clutching at his pants. Noel observed carefully.

"The goddess requested her aid in the battle against those who are working to revive Buniberzei. This war is what caused the destruction of Cocoon, and where I come from, they've won."

Hope failed to react.

"Everyone died."

The platinum blonde lowered his brow, scowling angrily.

"But why her? Why? We'd just saved Cocoon, and she didn't even get to celebrate with her sister. How is that fair? We'd just won a war, but she's swept away and drafted immediately after? What about the rest of the l'Cie? Why weren't we chosen instead?"

Hope was standing now, infuriated. The brunette leaned back, muscles flexing to life as he prepared to defend himself.

"Why wasn't I picked? And why does she send an incompetent idiot to relay her messages and mess around with her sister? Serah's engaged, you know!"

Noel was on his feet, backing away as the director pushed forward, removing any chances for the time traveler's escape. Things were taking a turn for the worse, and the brunette no longer had any control.

"She can't leave Valhalla! Caius is just waiting for an opportunity to overthrow Etro, and Lightning's the only thing holding him back!"

"That's not good enough, Noel! You need to learn to fight your own battles instead of dragging other people into your mess!"

"My battle? I came to this time so I could save _you!_ Do you think there's anything worth saving hundreds of years from now?" This time it was Hope who faltered, gritting his teeth as Noel lashed out, anger flashing in his obsidian eyes. "After the war between Lindzei, Pulse and Etro, there was nothing left. No people, no remains of civilization, no flora, no monsters, nothing!" He was shaking now, inching closer to Hope as his rage fueled him. "After years-_years!_-of fighting Caius just to preserve that world, an angel appears before me. She blows him away with the aid of the legendary eidolon, saving me from the brink of death. In return, she asked me to save _you_. To save _her loved ones_."

Hope found himself backed against the sofa, his eyes twitching as the brunette snarled at him. Noel was shorter, but was in his face all the same.

"So if you think I'm here just to _'mess around with Serah,'_ you're not even worth my time."

The intimidation fazed out as the time traveler backed away, crossing his arms and watching Hope with venomous eyes. The director found himself at a loss for words as he sat down shakily, all this information making him mad. He'd spent seven years looking for her; seven years believing she was alive, and that she'd come back. In the two years that followed, he gave up believing. She would never abandon her sister; abandon her friends. Nothing could keep her from protecting those close to her. Even Snow couldn't find her. In the past year, he'd convinced himself of her sacrifice, told himself to move on with his life, that she wasn't coming back.

"Will I ever see her again?"

The voice startled Hope just as much as it did Noel. He grimaced, having not wanted the time traveler to see him vulnerable. Thankfully, Noel didn't ridicule him. He leaned against the wall with crossed arms, contemplating.

"We don't know."

Hope let out a heavy sigh, his optimism wavering. Memories gripped his mind, returning no matter how many times he banished them. He brought a hand to his face, trying to remove them physically. Noel tilted his chin.

"They say," He pushed off from the wall, the throbbing in his face dulling. "Memories are the strongest bonds. If you hold a person dear, even after they've gone away, that light shines as a beacon for them so they know where to return to."

The older of the two lifted his head as something in front of him caught the light. All air was taken from him as his eyes widened, mouth unashamedly hung open in disbelief. Noel watched.

"If you keep your faith, I believe Lightning is capable of anything."

Hope shivered as a shaky hand connected gingerly with the blade, the brunette holding it out loosely before him. Oblivious to the world around him, the platinum blonde shook fervently, nausea pooling in his stomach out of sheer shock.

"This is-"

"She said it belonged to you. She asked me to return it."

He took the knife in his hand, turning it over. Oxygen had discolored it over time, but the markings were all there. The weight in his hand was overwhelmingly familiar, a sort of reassurance blooming inside of himself. Noel looked on jealously, this man showing so much emotion over a knife.

"So she's," He cleared his throat, straightening as he looked the time traveler in the eye, clasping the weapon in his right hand. "Lightning is fighting to protect your world?"

"_Our_ worlds. Caius is working to destroy any and all possible futures where we survive."

His mind was clouded as Noel answered, his senses suddenly assaulted by _her_. He breathed deeply, the floral aroma sending him back a decade. He stood abruptly, eyes closed as he followed the scent. He opened half lidded eyes to see Noel staring at him, bewildered and pressing back against the wall.

"Hope?"

Closing his eyes again, he leaned closer, breath ghosting over that tan neck as he inhaled her smell, confusing the brunette and leaving him flustered. Hands found the bare chest, abhorrently pushing the man away as the brunette attempted to escape the unusual situation. He swallowed thickly, the metallic taste in his mouth waning dryly as his elbows were shoved roughly to his sides, his legs pinned as the director got closer.

"Please,"

His voice was low and husky, lashes fluttering against Noel's jaw while his nose tickled the copper skin of his neck. The time traveler gaped, awestruck and appalled. Had the man not just been hellbent on finding a way for Lightning return? Surely this reaction was meant for her. He shuddered when something warm slid against his jugular, clenching his eyes shut as his pulse seemed to grow around it. He tried again to push Hope away, only to instigate a low growl and less space between their bodies. Growing up, Noel hadn't had much time for socializing, and human contact had been minimal. Having another man pressing against him now, the heat of their bodies being shared as he only grew hotter was an entirely foreign sensation to him. He felt something pressing between his hips, sparking a jolt that raced through his body, evoking a throaty moan that took his entire being to hold back. He skewed his eyes shut, trying to take himself somewhere else in his mind.

"Hope,"

The brunette whimpered under the sudden ministrations, unaware of neither the cause nor the direction it was heading. His breath caught when the platinum blonde brought his head back to look at him, piercing through him in a way that lit him on fire. The sensation between his legs was escalating, the feeling unbearable as Hope pressed further, something else on its own taking place between them. Noel bit back another groan, reaching once more with his free arm to push against the taller man, hoping to escape through the opening. Helplessly, the brunette was pinned once more, his heart racing and body burning when he felt a tug at his pants, the friction between his hips intensified with the new position. A low grunt slipped out as the former l'Cie pulled again, the sashes tied around his pants falling desolately from their hold. His eyes snapped open, suddenly aware he'd been clenching them shut as he felt the fabric slipping, desperately trying to bend his knees so as to keep them up. He flushed madly as he reached for them, pinned to the wall and suddenly very exposed. Before he knew what was happening, a tight sensation constricted his wrists, his body being stretched upwards as his arms were raised above his head. Eyes flashing to Hope, he caught the older man viewing him like prey, taking the knife from between his lips before thrusting it into the wall, freeing his hands whilst trapping Noel's.

"Stop,"

His plea was half-hearted, his knees failing him as Hope's fingers trailed along his body, tickling the heated skin running along the hem of his shirt. His head was back in the junction of the time traveler's neck, his breath hoarse and ragged as he enjoyed his high. Noel struggled to compose himself, fighting against the urge to just give up and indulge in the erotic sensations. A gruff voice caught his ear, startling him back to the dilemma at hand.

"You smell just like her."

Noel's mind was putty, his thoughts pulled somewhere between the sensation down near his hips and his rational logic.

"I'm not-"

A gasp escaped mid sentence as a jolt of pain bit into his neck, not entirely overthrowing the dominant action occurring between the two men, but shocking nonetheless. The younger man failed to withhold a groan as fingers ghosted up his shirt, stretching it away from his body while exploring, driving the brunette to cut crescents into his palms with his nails. His gut rolled, the charge building within him as he began to succumb to the ministrations, unable to free himself from his restraints while Hope continued to breathe him in.

"Ngh-!"

Noel's head jerked down, then to the side as a finger slid from taut muscle over sensitive flesh before tentatively pinching, rolling his shirt up along the way. Despite the cool temperature, the brunette hardly noticed the change while he panted, eyes rolling in his head while he thrashed about in ecstasy.

"So wonderful."

He felt the rumble on his chest before the older man stepped back. Noel jerked his head up quickly, suddenly terrified. His vision was smothered, his yelp muffled as blackness took hold, the confines of his shirt enveloping him before sliding up and off. He gasped once his head was freed, now shivering at the lack of clothing once the air hit his damp skin while the garment was tugged up his arms, a hand resting against his abdomen while another hung the shirt on the protruding knife. The sensation framed between his sharp hips accelerated, his skin flushing the more he focused on it. His eyes skewed, he struggled to form words as sensitive flesh was once more tweaked.

"I'm not Lightning! Hope!"

The younger man cried out, tossing his head forward and onto the director's shoulder, panting heavily and hair matting onto his flushed cheeks. An absence of pressure against his pelvis graced Noel with some of his sanity, choking back a sob as his mind reeled and wondering if he'd finally gotten through to the platinum haired man. A groan that escalated tore its way from his throat, his head smashing into the wall as he threw it back while an unimaginable heat engulfed his being. A hand held him there firmly, up against Hope and shattering any remnants of clarity Noel had been clinging to.

"Let me pretend."

The time traveler heaved his hips forward at the breath in his ear, unable to control himself as a wandering hand ran itself over his exposed flesh, dipping into the chiseled lines running over his bronzed skin. Soft whimpers filled the air as Noel lolled his head back and forth, biceps flexing as he strained against his bounds, twitching uncontrollably at the hands of his senior. Hope grunted several times, accenting the younger man while he muffled himself in his neck, biting accordingly in time with his pumps. His world was swallowed in a euphoric haze, his entire body tingling as he rode Lightning's attendant into the wall. He gripped Noel's hair, yanking his head back awkwardly as the sensation built up between the two, sweat coating their heated bodies as they locked onto each other. The sight of Hope panting so animalistically, his lips flushed and parted while he regarded the time traveler with lust filled eyes triggered something deep within Noel, finding himself racing towards a foreign finish line.

"-!"

"Hope, I'm-!"

The two men grunted noisily, jerking in a rhythm while they each rode out their ecstasy. The director was somewhere distant, head thrown back as he clutched both of them in his hand, Noel seizing into place with squinched eyes, unable to look away from the spectacle before him. With the intoxicating sensation fading from his body, the time traveller felt an unmeasurable weakness taking hold in its place, his body shaky and held up solely in part to the man in front of him. He almost let a whimper slip out as he recovered while Hope reached above him to remove the knife, his lips unbelievably close when he locked eyes. Noel shuddered at the thoughts, wishing them away as his entire being pulsed from the aftermath. He tried to look away as his arms fell numbly to his sides, only to have a warm hand catch him under the side of the jaw. Opening his mouth in either protest or surprise, Noel was turned to face the man who's lips moved over his in dialect.

"Thank you."

Noel stood there, leaning against the wall for a few moments while he collected himself, watching as Hope disappeared into the shadows of the hallway. Even after he heard the click of the bedroom door, the brunette found himself frozen in place, his body desiring nothing more than sleep while he rested heavily against the wall. With half lidded eyes, Noel fumbled with his clothes, finding his sashes nearly impossible to retie. Pulling his shirt back over his quickly cooling skin, he managed to stand on his own and headed for the door. Turning the handle with a violently twitching hand, Noel threw one last glance in the man's direction. Sucking in a breath, he pulled open the front barricade, wandering through the night and towards the head quarters. He was left alone as he beelined for the showers, the gentle warmth and fresh night wear only herding him quicker towards slumber. He took to his temporary room, and wasted no time in slipping under the sheets. At the very least, he'd fulfilled the duty Lightning requested of him; he'd convinced Hope.

Sort of.


End file.
